We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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