when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
