I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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