I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
