nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
