I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
