I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
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This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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