im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
