Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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