i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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