I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
