Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
