a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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