exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
