plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
