do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
