$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
