I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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