ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
