I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
