i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
