I hope mine doesn't look like that
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
