I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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