I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
