Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
