i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
