when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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