he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
