Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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