WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
