so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize