his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
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Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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