if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in