hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory