I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.