What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
