She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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