so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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