does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Two words: blizzard sex
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
