Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize