I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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