he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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