I'm going to jail i love you
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
