I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
