There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
