It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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