Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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