just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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