The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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