Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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