James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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