I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
