I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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