Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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