Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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