Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
