if i can run in heels then i can drive
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
