you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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