She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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