i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
