Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
