i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
