You made me cry and you don't even care
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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