Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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