why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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